I really kind of hate being drunk because it makes me introspective and there’s this one ex I totes screwed over (you know who you are) and I wish I hadn’t and I miss her but it’s WAY too late for all that and WOW I think it’s time for me to sleep now so goodnight y’all.
Like, do you know how shit it is to live in Texas. Don’t ever move here. Unless you’re moving to Austin, just don’t. And even then think really hard about whether you want to do that. Texas is the worst, especially if you’re a woman and like to have rights and stuff.
Also I want to move to the Pacific Northwest so maybe one of these days I’ll get my shit together and do it. Idk.
When I was in high school, hearing someone tell me I was “so smart” was a compliment. It made me feel good about myself. It made me think I could go out in the world and accomplish things.
As I’ve gotten older, it’s changed. It’s gone from a compliment to an indictment of my character.
You’re so smart - why didn’t you finish college?
You’re so smart - why can’t you find a better job?
You’re so smart - why can’t you keep a good job?
You’re so smart - why can’t you take care of yourself?
You’re so smart - why do your relationships always end so badly?
And it hurts. Basically my occupation is the family disappointment. I’m the oldest of all of my siblings and cousins and my life is currently shit. I see them all getting married and having careers and having children (not that I want kids, but still) and I feel like my life has been a waste.
And the thing is, I try. I really do. I can’t count the number of times I’ve been knocked down and gotten back up. It’s become so much a way of life for me that I don’t even get that upset anymore. And I don’t know if that’s good or bad. Probably bad since I’ve become resigned to the idea that good things don’t last, but hey, at least I get back up.
hey, so here’s a little advice that absolutely no one but myself probably needs: if you’re emotionally compromised and basically done with everything, maybe don’t listen to the most depressing music you can find
Still here. That’s about all I have to say about life right now. Sorry to everyone who was so supportive about the last thing I posted for not responding, and for not replying to messages yet. I appreciate y’all.
So I know there are some of you who think I’m kind of a drama queen and that I get upset about things way too easily and that’s fine. If that descriptor fits you, you may want to just skip this one.